Online Community Etiquette
Estimated Reading Time: 10 minutes
Definition
Online community kink etiquette is about treating people as humans, not fantasies, and engaging with respect, intention, and consent. Thoughtful communication, profile awareness, and boundaries are the baseline, not the bonus.
Prerequisite
Explanation
Online community etiquette exists to maintain consent, respect, and safety in a space where distance can make it easy to forget there are real people on the other side of the screen. The barrier of a profile and a message box does not remove the need for basic human decency. These spaces function best when people engage with intention, read and respect boundaries that have already been shared, and communicate in ways that show awareness rather than assumption. Just like in physical spaces, you are entering a community with its own expectations. The goal is not just to interact, but to do so in a way that builds trust, respects autonomy, and keeps the space one that people feel safe continuing to participate in.
Sending messages
Remember that these are all real people. They are not porn stars sitting behind their computer just waiting to fulfill any and all desires you may have. You wouldn't say "hey nice tits, wanna peg me?" out of nowhere to someone you were walking by on the street. Don't do it here either.
Not everyone will share all of the same kinks that you have. Do not assume that they do, and even if they do, do not assume that they will want to do them with you. Trust is earned.
Don’t use pet names. Babygirl, boy, princess, Daddy, Mistress, Sir, and other pet names are only to be used if given explicit consent. These are terms that are often used as official titles in dynamics. If you do not have an official dynamic in some way with the person you are speaking to, you probably should not be using title names with them. It can be seen as if you are assuming a dynamic, and some will not take very kindly to it.
Do not project your fantasies onto others. It feels violating when people put you into their fantasies without knowing about it. Build fantasies together rather than inserting people into yours without their consent.
Say more than, "Hey, what's up?" You will likely get ignored.
Look over the person's profile that you want to message. Read their about me. You may find something in it about whether they are okay with receiving messages or if you need to contact their Dominant before contacting them. It is a show of basic respect. Mention something specific from their profile to show that you put in that effort to find out about them. Ask a question about something that you see in their about me, writings, or photos.
Don't copy paste a message with a long description about yourself and what you want that you send to every profile you come across. You should share a bit about yourself, but make it unique to the person you are sending it to, and ask questions about them also.
Photos
Compliments in comments are welcome, but projecting fantasies here is also not okay. Try not to sexualize the person while complimenting them.
Do not post photos of other without their explicit permission of every single person in the photo, including of those in the background, and including identifying body parts.
Tagging people is a great idea, and is a green flag to a lot of people because there is clear evidence of consent from all parties in the photograph for it to be shared. Saying "Photo posted with consent of the model" or "model not on [platform]" if they are not on the social platform is a reasonable way to acknowledge not being able to tag them that people will appreciate.
Do not save private photos of others without their consent, and definitely do not take it further and then share them elsewhere as well.
Exhibitionism is welcome, but "boring" dick pics that clearly seem to have taken next to no effort to take as your main profile pic is highly not recommended. Some people will immediately block you. Show that you put at least a little effort into your photos. Creative dick pics are much, much more welcome.
The block button is your friend. You don't have to get any more messages from that creepy guy. You don't have to see your ex having the time of their life. You don't have to entertain that troll. The block button is easy and can relieve a lot of anxiety.
Events
Read the event descriptions before you put in your RSVP.
Follow the event guidelines. A lot of the time you will need to attend a munch or meet and greet of some sort before you can attend classes or private parties, and the description should let you know if that is the case. Organizers appreciate people that have put in the effort of reading the descriptions. After you have read it, and if something still does not make sense, send a message to the organizer! Sometimes that’s a great way to introduce yourself, especially if you include a comment from the description so they know you did read through it already.
Don’t stalk the guest list. If you have to be sponsored to get into an event, and you do not have one, don’t send messages to people that have already RSVP’d. It’s creepy. You’ll get banned before you’re ever able to get in. Follow the appropriate procedures. You'll be remembered for trying to violate them.
Keep your RSVPs up to date. If you can no longer make it, remove your rsvp.
For munch RSVPs, it can be hard to reserve kink friendly venues without the added difficulty of no shows. If 100 people RSVP and only 25 show, it can be bad for the venue that had scheduled more people to work that shift and bought food that didn’t get purchased.
For play party and class RSVPs, there is usually a tighter attendee cap with so many chairs in a class and so much room at a play party. If the cap gets hit, and half the people are unable to make it, and none of them update their RSVPs, then people that could have attended were blocked by people that didn’t even end up going. Accidents happen, but try to be courteous of others so they will keep letting you return if you keep not being able to attend.
