Negotiation Discussion Topics

General Negotiation Questions

Goals & Expectations

• What interests you about this?
• What would you like the overall tone of the experience to be? 
• During this session, how would you like to be treated?
• What signs indicate that you are enjoying yourself? What signs indicate that you are not?
• If this goes well, what would make it feel successful to you?
• Are you familiar with the concept of drop?
• What, if anything, are you hoping comes from this beyond the experience itself?

Safety

• Have you done anything like this before?
• Do you know what risks are involved? Do you accept those risks?
• What questions do you still have?
• Can you tell me about a time something went wrong and how you handled it?
• Are there medical concerns, injuries, allergies, or physical limitations that should be discussed?
• Are there emotional triggers, fears, or concerns that should be considered?
• Do you use safewords or other stop systems?
• How do you prefer to communicate if something feels wrong?

Activities & Limits

• Are there aspects of this experience that are especially important to you?
• Are there aspects of this experience you would prefer to avoid?
• For this particular situation, are there any interests, limits, curiosities, or concerns that should be discussed?
• What level of clothing are you wanting to maintain during this session?
• Should touch, nudity, or sexual activity be included, excluded, or discussed further?
• Will alcohol, cannabis, or other substances be involved?
• Are there things you are unsure about or would like more information on before deciding?

Aftercare & Follow-Up

• What kind of aftercare do you need, and are there any expectations or boundaries regarding who provides it?
• [If applicable] Are marks, bruises, or visible reminders a concern?
• Are photos, videos, or public discussion acceptable?
• Is there anything you would prefer remains confidential?
• [If applicable] What expectations, if any, do you have for communication afterward?
  

One-Time & Casual Encounters

Conventions, travel, pickup play, vacation play, festival play, people you may never see again.

•  Do you expect this to be a one-time interaction, or are you open to future contact?
• Do you have a check-in person, safety contact, or scene chaperone?
• Are there time constraints or scheduling considerations we should be aware of?
• Why did you choose to play with me specifically?
• Is there anything important about how you communicate or your experience level that I should know?
• What would make you decide not to move forward today?

Rope Partners

• What does rope mean to you?
• What kind of rope partner are you looking for?
• What kind of rope experience are you hoping for? Art, connection, pain, meditation, restraint, challenge, intimacy, something else?
• What styles of rope interest you most? Bondage floorwork, decorative rope art, predicament, suspension, etc
• What level of risk are you comfortable with?
• What level of discomfort are you comfortable with?
• Have you experienced nerve issues, circulation issues, or rope-related injuries before?
• Are there areas of your body that should be avoided?
• Are there positions or ties that have caused problems in the past?
• How do you typically communicate discomfort, uncertainty, or concern while in rope?
• What signs should I watch for that may indicate something is wrong?
• Are there things you are excited to explore? Are there things you are not interested in exploring?
• What helps you build trust with a rope partner?
  

Ongoing Play Partners

Regular play partners, recurring scenes, friends-with-benefits, practice partners, etc.

• What keeps you coming back to the same play partner?
• What are you hoping to gain from playing together over time?
• How often would you ideally like to play together?
• How and when do you prefer to handle feedback after scenes?
• How and when do you prefer concerns, disagreements, or misunderstandings to be addressed?
• How much communication would you like between scenes?
• What helps you build trust over time?
• What expectations, if any, do you have regarding friendship outside of play?
• What behaviors help you feel valued, respected, or appreciated?
• What behaviors tend to damage trust for you?
• How do you typically handle disappointment or conflict?
• What tends to make you feel disconnected from a play partner?
• What would make you decide this partnership is no longer a good fit?
• What would make you excited to continue building this partnership?
  

Long-Term Relationships & Power Exchange

Dating, romantic partners, nesting partners, D/s, M/s, service relationships, authority transfer, protocols, long-term commitments, etc.

• What level of commitment are you looking for?
• How much authority, if any, are you interested in giving, receiving, or sharing?
• What does autonomy look like within this relationship or dynamic?
• What expectations do you have regarding time, attention, and availability?
• What expectations do you have regarding finances, service, protocols, or responsibilities?
• What role do other partners play in your life?
• What long-term goals are important to you?
• How do you define a healthy relationship or dynamic? An unhealthy one?
  
• What does success look like to you in a long-term relationship or power exchange dynamic?
• What expectations do you have regarding decision-making?
• What parts of your life, if any, are you interested in incorporating into this relationship or dynamic?

Higher-Risk Activities

Activities involving elevated physical, emotional, social, or psychological risk.

• Does crying mean stop? What does "too far" look like for you if crying does not mean stop?
• Do you understand the risks involved, and have you researched them for yourself if you do not have prior experience?
• What is our emergency plan if something goes wrong? What is the backup emergency plan if that fails? Depending on level of risk, you may need even more backup plans. Fire for example. 
• What signs would indicate that we should slow down, pause, or stop?
• Who has the authority to stop the activity if safety becomes a concern?
• What assumptions are we making that should be verified instead?
• What risks are we accepting, and what risks are we unwilling to accept?
• What would make us decide that today is not the right day for this activity?

Up Next

• Boundaries

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