Drop
Estimated Reading Time: 11 minutes
Definition
Drop is the emotional and physical low that can occur in the days after a BDSM scene. During play, the brain releases a large amount of feel-good chemicals that can create a natural high. When those chemicals are used up, the temporary lack of them in the following days can cause sadness, anxiety, irritability, and/or depression. This experience is called drop.
Explanation
When we play in BDSM, we call that period of time a scene. During a scene, many chemicals are released in the brain that affect mood, pain perception, and emotional connection.
In the bottom’s brain, dopamine gets released, which is associated with feelings of reward and pleasure. Endorphins act as the body’s natural painkillers and can create sensations similar to taking them. Oxytocin is also released, contributing to feelings of bonding and chemically induced love-like sensations. Together, these chemicals can make you feel floaty, relaxed, and loopy. This altered headspace is called subspace.
Tops also receive dopamine, but they are flooded more primarily with adrenaline. This can create intense focus, heightened awareness, and extreme presence. This is a feeling similar to being in an emergency or high-stress situation where everything slows down. This altered headspace is called Top space.
The bottoms relax their grip while the Tops tightens theirs.
All of these chemicals combine to create a powerful, completely natural high. During a scene, the body uses up a large portion of its available supply of these chemicals. The brain will need time to replenish them, and you just borrowed from tomorrow...and maybe even the next day.
Drop usually appears one to three days after a scene, most commonly on the second day, and it can last several days. During this time, the brain may be temporarily depleted, and emotions can feel heavier or harder to manage. This can look like depression, anxiety, irritability, emotional sensitivity, or a sudden sense of emptiness. For people familiar with hormonal mood shifts, it can feel similar to intense PMS.
Both bottoms and Tops can experience drop, though it often feels more severe for bottoms due to the amount of feel-good chemicals released and used during play.
What Affects Drop
The severity of drop varies widely and cannot be predicted with certainty. Many factors can influence how intense it will be, including the depth and intensity of the scene, how long it lasted, the emotional connection between partners, playing for multiple days in a row, sleep, food, hydration, mental health, medications, hormonal cycles, and how the scene ended.
Because of this, someone may experience little or no drop after an intense scene, and then be caught off guard by a strong drop after the lighter one. Even repeating the same exact scene with the same partner can result in different drop experiences each time.
Reducing the Impact
While drop cannot always be prevented, there are steps that can help reduce its severity. One of the most important is making sure you are physically and mentally well enough to play at the time you choose to do a scene. If you are already struggling, drop may push you even lower than your usual baseline afterward.
Another important factor is aftercare. Ending a scene gently and following through with negotiated aftercare helps the body and brain transition out of the heightened state instead of crashing abruptly. Poorly handled endings or skipped aftercare can increase the intensity of drop in the following days.
Allowing time between scenes for recovery is also important, especially after intense or frequent play. The body and brain need time to rest and replenish what was used.
Support and Self-Reflection
Drop is common and normal, and most people who play long enough will experience it at some point. Having a support network can make a significant difference. You can negotiate check-ins with your play partner during the days when drop may occur, but this should never be assumed. If check-ins are agreed upon, both parties are responsible for following through.
There may be a point where the balance between pleasure and emotional cost no longer feels even. It is important to check in with yourself regularly and decide whether what you are doing is still worth what you are paying for it emotionally.
Drop can be deeply uncomfortable, but it is temporary. It exists because something intense and meaningful happened. The depth of the low often reflects the height of the experience that came before it. Many people are in kink because they want to feel. Remembering that the negative drop-like feelings will pass, and there is a legitimate scientific reason why it is happening can help ground you while moving through drop.
Homework
Evaluate your current mental health.
Get a piece of paper and a pen. I am going to give you five categories for you to write what success would feel like for each category, and then rate each category 1-10 for your current satisfaction level.
- Physical health- hydration, meals, quality of sleep, taking meds, exercise, etc
- Mental health- what does healthy feel and behave like
- Social health- separate into their own: Romantic partners | Family | Friends |
- Financial health- money based
- Work-life health- presence based
Then grade yourself. If your numbers feel fairly low [30 or less] then I would like you to please, just hesitate. If your "norm" is already low, can you handle an even lower dip right now? What if your support network falters, could you be okay on your own? Kink can be therapeutic, but it is not therapy. Make you and your mental health a priority because you are important enough to be your number one priority.
