Assault & Abuse
Estimated Reading Time: 4 minutes
Abuse
Definition
Abuse is a non-consensual power exchange in which the person being abused has no power to change the nature of or leave the relationship. It is based on control that was nonconsensually taken, whereas BDSM is based on control that is consensually gifted for a negotiated period of time.
Explanation
People who are abusive to their partners believe that they have every right to control their partner, their bad behavior is justified, and their partner is to blame. They may manipulate the scenario by claiming they are the victim so the real victim can't get help, using access to their children, friends, or events as a way to assert power, and using legal systems to limit partners options, like calling the police or CPS to get the victim in trouble and make it harder to use those systems and services in the future.
Assault
Definition
Assault is a physical attack, a forced attempt to do something demanding.
Explanation
An assault can happen with someone that is not a partner. Do not go to a new acquaintance's private residence to meet or do scenes with them immediately, and I sincerely beg you not to do bondage. Assault absolutely does happen. Meet people publicly- at a restaurant, for coffee, at a local munch, or other space that is open to the public. It is helpful if you can do your first scenes with them at a play party, and with a third party chaperone. Protect yourself because you are your best chance at keeping yourself safe.
Trust your instincts.
If you are being abused or have been assaulted, get help. Call 911, the 24- hour crisis line, or contact your State Domestic Violence Coalition. They have more resources. You could also contact someone you feel comfortable sharing this with in your local community, and find a victims advocate, or someone that could be a mediator for you, should you need.
